She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
