we have officially lost it.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Randomize
