we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
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