I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
