Sponge bath it is.
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Randomize
