Cold hands, warm shart.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
