piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
God, I missed his penis.
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