I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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