So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
