the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
