Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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