Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
