fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
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