So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
