Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
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