it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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