Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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