i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
