Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
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