he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
