At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
