He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
