Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
My balls are so social today.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
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