we have pet lesbian snakes
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
That's when you crack a 10am beer
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
