I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Randomize
