Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
