WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
