What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
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