you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
