Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
