If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
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