have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
