I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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