I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
