Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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