he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
