i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Randomize
