my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Randomize
