ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
