her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
