I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
