We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
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