What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Randomize
