We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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