you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
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