I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Randomize
