I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
