dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
