Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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