It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
